In my life I’ve lost a lot of meaningful people. My first boyfriend, my parents, my grandparents, friends, and other family members. It’s gotten to the point where another loss just feels numb. I’m old hat at compartmentalizing my emotions and surviving, not necessarily thriving.

Grief is a terrible feeling of loss that seems to eek it’s head when you least expect. And I’ve learned that as I’ve gotten older, what I though was healthy grieving has only proven to be a moment of touching the surface of my grief. Like within me lies a deep seeded underbelly of pain and loss, and my outer shell is the projection of all that pain with a meek attempt at living each day.

In all honesty, I find myself lost in how to feel or be most days, but go through all the motions of an average human. I have those moments of life experiences that truly feel joy, but it never seems to last long enough to keep my cup full.

It’s like a long goodbye from an old friend, but it keeps coming to the surface when life gets really tough or the inevitably changes occur which force us to feel alone with our feelings. Feelings can suck!